Tag Archive: positive

Seasons of Love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
how do you measure- measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets,
in midnights, in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles,
in laughter, in strife?
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
how do you measure the life of a woman or man?
In truths that she learned or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned or the way that she died?
It’s time now, to sing out though the story never ends.
Let’s celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love
Measure in love.
Measure, measure your life in love.
Seasons of love…

confessing to my parents

It was palm Sunday and there was confession in our church. I took advantage of it to seek spiritual guidance from a priest about my situation and at the same time, ask for the absolution of my sins. I don’t know what happened but as I confessed my sins, tears started to flow down my cheeks. Then suddenly I broke down when I started telling the priest about being a victim of HIV. He didn’t blame me nor condemned me. Instead, he assured me that everything will be fine as I approached God with a contrite heart seeking God’s forgiveness. He just told me to pray for guidance and wait for the right time to tell my parents about it. After saying my penance, I have decided. I’m gonna tell my parents about it that moment.

I called my parents to meet me at our home as I’m going to tell them something very important. My initial line was “I’m gonna tell you something but please, don’t hate me. Don’t condemn me, and I’m hoping that you would still accept me as your son. Let me do the talking first.” My mom interrupted me and told me that we should pray together first for God’s grace of understanding, forgiveness and repentance. After praying, I held both of their hands and then uttered, “Mommy, Daddy, I’m HIV positive.” Again, I lost control of my tears. My mom started crying. and when we all calmed down, as a family, we talked about what’s going to happen next and what should be expected. They expressed their full support to me.

Parent will be be parents.

I can feel their pain — they don’t want to see their son suffer.

I can feel their love, concern, support, and understanding.

No one will understand me better than them.

After telling this about them, the last thorn has been pulled out from my heart. And the wound it left is being healed by my parent’s love and support.

Mom, Dad, my siblings. I love you all and thank you.

After a long SMS conversation with the anonymous texter (the person who told me that he transmitted the virus), that person finally agreed to reveal his identity in person with the condition that I will not hurt him nor do any harm to his family.

I arrived ahead of our meeting schedule somewhere in the Makati business district. When he showed up, I was quite surprised that the person was an ex partner of mine. He was wearing a medical mask given that he can’t afford to catch any opportunistic infection/disease as he commuted to our meeting place.

We chit-chatted for a while over coffee. I showed him my lab result. He gave me pointers that I need to know about the disease. I was very thankful to him that he immediately informed that he’s positive. I’d rather know that I also have the disease rather than finding out about it when everything’s too late. He had to leave early has he had to go home for his scheduled medication. But I understand though I have a thousand more questions in mind that I would like to ask him.

While I was driving home, everything started to sink in — That I already have the virus in my blood for quite some time (5 years or so). He’s already diagnosed with AIDS (111 CD4 -Tcells count). He was hospitalize a month before due to Tubercolosis and nearly died because of it. It was the time that he was diagnosed that he’s positive.

I can’t wait to have myself tested for my Cd4 count and viral load. I’m still hoping that I don’t need to start my ARV medication yet.

the verdict

I am positive.

No wonder it took so long for my result to come out. The confirmatory result from San Lazaro indicates that I am reactive to HIV 1. I have been preparing for this with the mentality that I am positive until proven negative. and it helped. The OIC accredited by DOH to give the post-testing counselling session was kinda surprised that I took the result well and applauded me for being strong and intelligent about it (the fact that I know a lot about the disease. Well, I did tons of research about it). She had me sent to their general practitioner to have the endorsement form filled up. After the quick physical exam and some questions, my case is classified as clinically stage two. After the physical, I was told that they’ll text me again once they have already endorsed me to San Lazaro for the census, and lab tests (CD4, Viral load, Opportunistic Diseases, et al).

It’s not the end of the world for me. I’m taking this as another chapter of my life. A new page unfolds and it depends on me how I’m going to write the remaining pages of my life. I have to be positive about it as life goes on.

I took the day off from work after finding out the result. Spent the day with my best friend in Trinoma to talk about my plans, what to do next, and when to tell my parents about it. To somehow distract me from the bitter reality, we had lunch, did some window shopping, watched How to train a Dragon in 3D, and had a few bottles with a kabarda. At the end of the day, I fell asleep with the question, “What’s next?”

I am positive and I WILL BE POSITIVE ABOUT IT.

I’m 25. At the peak of my career.
I am Positive.

I had myself tested for HIV last Monday after the SMS I got from an anonymous texter days prior. After days of paranoia and fear, I went to the laboratory an hour ago to pick-up my test result. I handed over the receipt to the medical technicial and I got an implied affirmation from him, “Oooh. [My Name]. You’re test result is not yet here. You’ve read the note right? You’ll get a call once the result is in.”

My blood sample has been forwarded to the San Lazaro hospital for confirmatory tests. Meaning, my initial lab result is positive. I’ll just have to wait for the call.

Whatever the result will be, I have to be brave and strong in facing the truth. I have to learn to accept and embrace the fact. This is the start of my Life’s journey — not a walk towards the end of my life, but the adventures of living my life to the fullest. Savoring every breath and every moment of my life with the people that matters most to me.

May God help me.