Tag Archive: love

Another Fresh Wound

Just a few weeks ago, my partner broke up with me but we were able to resolve things and then got together again after a few days.

Just a few hours ago, I can’t believe that this relationship is over. This time, with certain finality. Just when I thought things are falling back into place. Though it was a good break-up, It would be hard for me to face the fact that the person is no longer mine. Everything happened as a series of unfortunate events. First, with a beloved one’s demise, then will my failing health, then my issues in the office and then most recently, this one. I’ve gotta hold on to my faith and keep believing that things will get better soon.

The pain is quite unbearable and the reality’s sinking in now. I gave the best that I could possibly give – my 100%. But I guess that wasn’t enough. I don’t know if I’d get another shot at love. If only it’s possible to bring back time to correct the mistakes I’ve made. Wishful thinking, I’m wishing that someday, that person will come back into my arms but that solely depends on that person now. I’m just hoping that in case that time will come, I’ll still be here to feel and relive the love we’ve had.




Another chapter of my life is being written — the story of Papa Smiley Bear and his Baby Bear. I’ve been waiting for this love story for almost two years now and my patience finally paid off. My prince charming has finally come to free me from the bondage of my past. After being chained in the pit of bitterness and despair for months, this knight in the shining armor rescued me and escorted me be back to life. He helped me remember the things that I have forgotten — how to smile and love again.

But not all fairy tales have happy endings. Just as when the handsome prince have finally met his perfect maiden, he has learned that a haunted ghost of the past had cast a spell upon his bride. A curse that would restrain them in the act of manifesting their love for each other. That once broken, it’ll bring demise to his own life. The Prince risked it. At around 4:30 am of June 9, 2010. He uttered the words “I love you” and kissed his maiden. When their lips touched, the fairy godmother dressed in all pink appeared out of nowhere and transformed the Prince and the maiden into bears after the hollywood SFX drama of smoke, glitters, and orchestra music — the Prince as Papa Smiley Bear and the maiden as Baby Bear. And from thereon, they are to take the hurdles of this life in the wilderness and they are to shape their own destiny.

Malabo no? I’m just wasted. Just to cut things short, Rico (not his real name) and I are now officially partners. I call him my Papa Smiley Bear (he smiles a lot and he has this perfect killer smile), and he calls me his Baby bear. That’s it. haha.

Seasons of Love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
how do you measure- measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets,
in midnights, in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles,
in laughter, in strife?
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?
Measure in love.
Seasons of love
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes,
how do you measure the life of a woman or man?
In truths that she learned or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned or the way that she died?
It’s time now, to sing out though the story never ends.
Let’s celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love
Measure in love.
Measure, measure your life in love.
Seasons of love…

confessing to my parents

It was palm Sunday and there was confession in our church. I took advantage of it to seek spiritual guidance from a priest about my situation and at the same time, ask for the absolution of my sins. I don’t know what happened but as I confessed my sins, tears started to flow down my cheeks. Then suddenly I broke down when I started telling the priest about being a victim of HIV. He didn’t blame me nor condemned me. Instead, he assured me that everything will be fine as I approached God with a contrite heart seeking God’s forgiveness. He just told me to pray for guidance and wait for the right time to tell my parents about it. After saying my penance, I have decided. I’m gonna tell my parents about it that moment.

I called my parents to meet me at our home as I’m going to tell them something very important. My initial line was “I’m gonna tell you something but please, don’t hate me. Don’t condemn me, and I’m hoping that you would still accept me as your son. Let me do the talking first.” My mom interrupted me and told me that we should pray together first for God’s grace of understanding, forgiveness and repentance. After praying, I held both of their hands and then uttered, “Mommy, Daddy, I’m HIV positive.” Again, I lost control of my tears. My mom started crying. and when we all calmed down, as a family, we talked about what’s going to happen next and what should be expected. They expressed their full support to me.

Parent will be be parents.

I can feel their pain — they don’t want to see their son suffer.

I can feel their love, concern, support, and understanding.

No one will understand me better than them.

After telling this about them, the last thorn has been pulled out from my heart. And the wound it left is being healed by my parent’s love and support.

Mom, Dad, my siblings. I love you all and thank you.