Category: Relationships

I know for a very short time, we have so many stuff in life that we don’t really understand, for the fact that we never get along together.. We have so many discrepancies, so many hesitations, questions and doubt. But no matter what it takes, for this short period of time, I learned to love you so deep.. Learned to dream about future with you.. Learned to smile.. And Learned to love again. To pray that you’re not gonna say goodbye.. To hope that whatever argument we’re having, you’ll still be there holding on.. To wish the impossible things in life.. I learned to feel the true love.. But all of those, I never learned to how to love you less in every waking day of my life. Thank you so much babe for letting me feel those things.. Happy Monthsary and wishing us both a happy live and strong relationship together.. I love you so much and will love you more in every waking day of my life!

My babe’s monthsary greeting / message for me ­čÖé


on Dating…

Since my concluded relationship last year, I was kind of afraid to enter the dating scene once again afraid of rejection being a HIV positive man. I shouldn’t have thought that way as I denied myself of possible opportunities of meeting the perfect partner for me.

In the past few months, I finally had the courage to go out on dates. Since then, I have dated three wonderful guys who are ready to embrace me as an AIDS patient. Though the prior two didn’t work out, we became good friends. Now, I’m steadily seeing this great guy who’s really helping me pick up the broken pieces of my life. We’re taking things really slow. No commitments yet. We share this vision of having a serious lifetime partnership with a special someone but we need to ensure that it is really each other that we really want.

To those fellow positive guys out there who’s afraid of rejection due to their status, people nowadays are no longer as shallow as the people of the yesteryear. Don’t be afraid. Be confident and don’t deny yourself of our yearning to find that special someone.

In the past few months, I was in the process of self-rediscovery and moving on from the wounds of the past. I got confused, depressed, needy. you name it. Finally after countless counselling sessions with my friends, professionals, and seminars, I have seen the light.

I have learned to let go of the past, to cherish the present, and to stop worrying about the future. I’m almost there. The healing process is almost complete. As advised, I need to cut off on all the negative things in my life and settle all the issues in my life.

These past few days, I have started talking to people that I have issues with. Not as a form of confrontation but more of resolving the gaps in between. From friends, previous colleagues, old enemies, and to exes. Hopefully after resolving all these, I’ll be complete again and be care free – letting go of all the fear, anger, ┬áissues, and things that are stopping me from reaching my goals and being happy with my life. Hopefully in the upcoming weeks, i’ll be done with this particular task.

A poem…

King, wrote me a poem a few hours ago. He’s my ex fours year ago. He knows me well and he definitely feels what I’ve been going through in the past few weeks as a result of my recent break-up.┬áReposting the poem from his blog:

You left me on the edge of a cold sandy beach
Icy waters greeting my feet
Like the endless tears of pain in hell
You left me on the edge of a cold sandy beachI stand frozen
Looking at the distant memory of you
You kissed me goodbye
And hugged me ’till my tears dry

Waves are coming for me
Piercing wind, scratching my face
Yet I stand there frozen
Looking for you
Waves are coming for me,
yet I stand there frozen,
as tears drown my longing for you.

I walk towards the water
Freezing water, like your heart when you left me.
I walk farther from the shore
Like how I must walk away,
from the memory of you
I drown myself in the deep ocean blue

How I wish I can just drown myself
To feel nothing but the freezing cold
Until my body numbs
Until I can no longer feel…

As I let myself go in the waters that swallowed me
How I wish you could hear my plea
I let go of the future
…and the memories of us.
 Is that we will ever be.

Thank you very much King! I appreacite it so much.

I perceive myself as a very strong person. My friends and family see me as such. They have lauded me on how I’ve managed to overcome the series of recent hurdles and challenges in my life – plight of my favorite sibling to a distant land, demise of very close beloved, and even in the acceptance and coping with my illness. With what I have gone through, I thought I will be able to withstand any other things in my life that would befall others. But no. I have finally recognized my weakness. My Achille’s heel — Love.

I thought I’d be okay in no time after the break-up, but no.┬áI’ve been breaking down, losing hope. My life has broken in tiny fragments that even I don’t know how to pull things back again together. I’ve set deep in my mind, and deep in my soul that he is the person that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. The person who will accept me, understand me, and care for me whatever happens. But I’ve lost him. I’m losing my insanity. I’m losing myself. I’ve lost everything.

I might as well fold up. Give up.