Archive for January, 2012

A poem…

King, wrote me a poem a few hours ago. He’s my ex fours year ago. He knows me well and he definitely feels what I’ve been going through in the past few weeks as a result of my recent break-up. Reposting the poem from his blog:

You left me on the edge of a cold sandy beach
Icy waters greeting my feet
Like the endless tears of pain in hell
You left me on the edge of a cold sandy beachI stand frozen
Looking at the distant memory of you
You kissed me goodbye
And hugged me ’till my tears dry

Waves are coming for me
Piercing wind, scratching my face
Yet I stand there frozen
Looking for you
Waves are coming for me,
yet I stand there frozen,
as tears drown my longing for you.

I walk towards the water
Freezing water, like your heart when you left me.
I walk farther from the shore
Like how I must walk away,
from the memory of you
I drown myself in the deep ocean blue

How I wish I can just drown myself
To feel nothing but the freezing cold
Until my body numbs
Until I can no longer feel…

As I let myself go in the waters that swallowed me
How I wish you could hear my plea
I let go of the future
…and the memories of us.
 Is that we will ever be.

Thank you very much King! I appreacite it so much.

I perceive myself as a very strong person. My friends and family see me as such. They have lauded me on how I’ve managed to overcome the series of recent hurdles and challenges in my life – plight of my favorite sibling to a distant land, demise of very close beloved, and even in the acceptance and coping with my illness. With what I have gone through, I thought I will be able to withstand any other things in my life that would befall others. But no. I have finally recognized my weakness. My Achille’s heel — Love.

I thought I’d be okay in no time after the break-up, but no. I’ve been breaking down, losing hope. My life has broken in tiny fragments that even I don’t know how to pull things back again together. I’ve set deep in my mind, and deep in my soul that he is the person that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. The person who will accept me, understand me, and care for me whatever happens. But I’ve lost him. I’m losing my insanity. I’m losing myself. I’ve lost everything.

I might as well fold up. Give up.